THANK YOU to this sweet family for sharing their story We are so thrilled to have this amazing documentation of your VBAC! If you are VBAC hopeful or even VBAC curious please join us for our upcoming VBAC Prep Workshop on May 20th!

I was determined to have a VBAC. My first birth ended in an unnecessary cesarean section. I labored beautifully at a birth center using natural comfort measures. I was fully dilated but never got the urge to push. Once I did start pushing at the direction of the midwife, my contractions became spaced out and shorter. We transferred to a hospital to get pitocin, but once we arrived at the hospital, we were never offered pitocin. A surgical birth was recommended after hours of waiting and lots of miscommunication during the transfer of providers. The healing process from the surgical birth after having pushed and been so close to having a vaginal birth was challenging both physically and mentally. I felt so much disappointment and regret, hence my determination to have a VBAC.

Some friends were over the night before Kya’s due date and insisted on taking a few photos of Mathias and I. I hardly took any bump photos this pregnancy. It was Saturday night and I remember saying something like, “I hope baby comes on Monday because I want to get stuff done tomorrow, like laundry and grocery shopping.” I planned to send one of the photos to my doula, Liz the next morning saying, “We made it to 40 weeks! Baby is waiting for you!” (Liz graciously agreed to be my doula late in my pregnancy with one caveat- she was on vacation during my 39th week of pregnancy and was set to return the night of my due date. I didn’t want a backup doula if Liz couldn’t be there.) I knew Mathias and I could do it on our own, but after taking Liz’s VBAC Prep Class, I knew having her expertise and advocacy would be immeasurable. I never sent Liz that photo. Instead, I spent all night back and forth from bed to bathroom peeing every 30-60 minutes. Every time I lied back down, it felt like I needed to pee again.

When morning finally came, I got my toddler up for the day and let Mathias know I was up peeing all night and was now feeling some cramping. Shortly thereafter I was like, “OK these are contractions.” They seemed short and not super frequent so we went about our morning. We did two loads of laundry and ordered groceries online for a 10:30am pick up. My daughter, Zoe and I finger painted at the kitchen table. I had actually told her that if I made it to 40 weeks, I’d let her paint my belly, but now that I was having contractions, that didn’t seem comfortable so I didn’t remind her! I text Liz and let her know I was having contractions (Side note from Liz: I knew I was missing the birth at this moment!). Mathias called his mom, let her know things were happening and asked her to come pick up Zoe. My inlaws arrived shortly thereafter and Zoe was happy to go with them. I gave her a hug and held back the tears. I knew I’d miss her so much while we were stuck in the hospital. Mathias left to pick up our groceries and I lied down and started timing contractions. They were about 45 seconds long and 4-5 minutes apart. Mathias got back and I told him contractions were not going away. He was already on the phone with the nurse and she told him to come to the hospital right away. Both of us are not super fond of birthing in the hospital setting and wanted to avoid getting there too early. The nurse kept insisting we head to the hospital now and Mathias said, “We’ll be there at some point today.” We finished packing our bags and I was stalling a bit. I made a cup of raspberry leaf tea, drank it at the kitchen table and then we left.

We arrived at the hospital just before noon. They were checking our IDs but I couldn’t wait and asked to open the door- I needed to go to the bathroom! As soon as she opened the door, I had a contraction and didn’t make it through in time. Once the contraction was over, Mathias asked her to open the door again (we had to be buzzed through) and I ran to the nearest bathroom…which I subsequently destroyed (figuratively). Next, we went to triage. I was sitting on a very uncomfortable folding chair and the nurse was asking me lots of questions while putting a monitor around my belly. I think I answered half of her questions and defaulted to Mathias because it seemed like every time she’d ask me something, I was having a contraction.

The room was so hot and stuffy. I thought I was going to puke. I got up and said, “I have to go to the bathroom!” I ran to the bathroom (I never actually puked!) and as soon as I sat down on the toilet, my water broke. I yelled to the nurse, “My water broke!” The nurse ran into the bathroom and asked, “Are you sure?” I’m sure I looked annoyed. “Yep. I’m sure…and I need to poop!” I exclaimed. The midwife then ran into the bathroom. I had many prenatal appointments with her and was happy to see her. She said, “Don’t poop. Your baby’s head might be right there!” She helped me off the toilet and to a labor/delivery room.

As soon as we got to the room, I exclaimed, “Someone please start the tub or get me an epidural! I can’t handle this!” With my first birth, I labored in the tub and was able to move around a lot. Mathias provided lots of counter pressure and hip squeezes. Labor wasn’t painful and I was set on having an unmedicated birth. This time around, I was open to an epidural if I needed to rest or pitocin if we needed to get things going again. I was open to anything that would get me to a VBAC. Labor this time was very different. Things were moving very quickly and I wasn’t managing the pain well. The midwife responded that she needed to check my cervix first. Then she said, “Honey, your cervix is gone. No water for you. It’s time to push!” I wasn’t surprised. I was pretty sure I was going through transition in that stuffy triage room. But I was pissed I wasn’t allowed in the tub. Hospital policy doesn’t allow VBAC water births but I had hoped to labor in the water.

All of a sudden there were a lot of hospital staff in the room and they were trying to get an IV port in me. I was required to have an IV port because I was attempting a VBAC but I was also GBS+ and opted to receive antibiotics. They tried to get the IV in my left arm first and it just wasn’t going in. I’ve been told my veins are finicky. After lots of pokes, they finally got the IV in my right arm. It actually came out at one point during pushing and had to be placed yet again! I was lying on my side in the hospital bed pushing. I felt so much pressure. I exclaimed, “I need something! This is terrible! Can I change positions?” I was offered nitrous oxide, which saved me. I didn’t use nitrous with my first birth and wasn’t planning on using it with this birth but again, I needed something and was willing to do anything that would help me have a VBAC. The nitrous allowed me to relax in between contractions. I was pushing, but I didn’t feel an intense urge to push, which is what happened with my first birth. I freaked out in my head a little and then I told the hospital staff. The midwife pointed out that I seemed to be making the most movement towards the end of some contractions and she was right. About every other contraction, I did feel an intense urge to push so she coached me to wait to push until the end of the contraction. This made a huge difference. I saved my energy until the end and felt the baby move much farther down. I reached down and felt her head. It felt squishy. I was on my back and side in the hospital bed this whole time. I asked a few times if I could change positions. I was horribly uncomfortable and this was not how I imagined giving birth. I was told I could try the squat bar but that the nitrous tank wouldn’t reach over there. I was not giving up the nitrous at this point, so I stayed in the hospital bed.

I had been pushing for about 1.5 hours when the midwife said, “Kelly, your baby’s heart rate has been lower than we like for longer than we like. I estimate it will take about 10 more minutes of pushing to get her out. I want to do an episiotomy to get her out sooner. Do you consent?” I cringed. I thought episiotomies were a thing of the past. I didn’t think they did them anymore! I was exhausted and wanted to meet my baby ASAP. I said, “OK. I trust you.” She cut me and the next contraction, Kya flew out with one push. She was placed on my chest immediately. My placenta was delivered shortly after. I requested Mathias to take a picture (of my placenta, ha). I never got to see my placenta with my first birth. An OB came in and stitched me up. Kya was on my chest the whole time. No one wiped her off until a bit later. They actually waited and allowed for delayed cord clamping, which Mathias then got to cut. Things in my birth plan were actually being followed! I felt immense relief. I was so relieved that it was over and so relieved my abdomen was not cut open. Everyone left the room and it was just the three of us for a while.

After so much intensity, it was so calm and quiet. I couldn’t believe I had pushed my baby out, mostly on my back in a hospital bed with very little comfort measures (thank you nitrous oxide!). I can’t stop saying, “I’m so happy I had a VBAC!!!” The recovery has been exponentially better compared to my surgical birth. We were able to go home from the hospital a little over 24 hours post birth and reunite with Zoe as a family of four shortly thereafter. At three weeks postpartum,

I’m healing well (even with the episiotomy!) and running around with Zoe. I’m so thankful to Mathias who never had a doubt in his mind that I would have a VBAC. He always knew I could do it and that I would do it. All of my friends and family were rooting for me 100% as well. While the stars didn’t align for Liz to be at my birth, I’m so grateful for her support- meeting with us prior to my birth and even checking in while she was on vacation and answering our questions as labor started.

While a part of me will always grieve my surgical birth, the weight of it feels less heavy now- it’s just one piece of my birthing stories. To everyone reading this and going for a VBAC- I’m rooting for you! I hope you find peace in whatever path your birth takes.